Riz smiles with Reason

Thank you for reading and sharing my last post. Hope it can make a tiny difference somewhere!  Here's a HAPPY Post with photos of my Techno friendly brother! :) Busy exploring the Tabla Ap on Mummy's Tablet. In fact he's great on it Uno! And look who won!  Favorite  toy!

Let me admit, I have written and deleted similar posts many times in the past. It's about the truth we mask with love to protect our brother.  Last night when my elder brother Arshad was reversing his car to drop me to my place, he pointed out a group of young boys sitting under his apartment window. He said that when he was placing the new curtains, he saw these boys along with a couple of girls, (who live in the same building) point up at him. They were discussing if he was the "mad guy" or not. They were talking about June. It didn't bother them, that Chiggu bhai (Arshad) was looking at them or could hear them.  Neither my brother nor I were shocked by this incident.  Every time, people behave like this, regarding June Bhai, it just leaves us stoic. The coldness with which people say such things, transcends to us as coldly as it were meant. Mostly. But sometimes we break.  Why are people so scared of what they don’t understand? My brother’...

"He's going to start talking at 40," that is what my Naana used to say about June. I had never met Naana, but Mummy has told me this story many times.  Since last year Juney has been unwell. It’s been one illness after the other. Including an increase in tremors, which scared all of us and brought back memories we never wanted to visit again. He's better now, though his balance is seriously affected. Post illness, June has emerged more intelligent and emotionally very sensitive. He tries to shape words in his mouth but his tongue fails him. Sometimes he tries really hard and some long sentences of jumbled words flow. It’s gibberish. But then we’ve never desired words with June. His eyes have always done the talking.  Bhai is extremely dependent on Mummy now. She is the constant in his life. Recently, I was helping her re-arrange her cupboard, her saris were strewn all over the bed. I noticed that Juney was looking concerned; he would look ...

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I finally got Juney on the phone. I spoke for 5 mins and he heard me babble for that much time. It's quite a big task to get him on the phone. Actually, that's the easy part; he likes mobile phones, but only for listening to music. To get him to actually listen to you talk, is the bigger challenge! I applied a different strategy today, speaking to him like a grown up. I told him I'll be coming to Lucknow next month to take him back. And that I miss him because no one makes tea for me anymore. QED! Phone to his Ear , not without style though!

Pappa...I love you! I took a train to office, collected a P2 Card and left for 3 different locations for shoot. Between lighting and waiting, my mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Pappa. My mind was playing re runs of "this day - three years back"...I couldn't help myself from being sad, so I started typing on my phone. Today is the saddest day of my life. Three years back I lost a parent and learnt the meaning of a new emotion. An emotion I mistakenly associated only with my trivial break-ups (with my then boyfriend and now husband),  and fights with siblings. Something that fooled me for 29 years to teach me its true meaning ruthlessly - Grief. Three years...of not seeing Pappa and not hearing his voice. How unimaginable this seemed on 10th of September three years back, when the news was first broken to me. Over these days and months and years, I have come to realize that, self healing is a wonderful thing. I can't say I've completely recon...

Junna and Sumit  Not Quite! I love these men! Junna And Chiggu Bhai

After a hearty meal, its time to sleep. I have a towel covering my head and face because I had oiled my hair. And at some point, Sumit clicked this photograph of June and me! And now its a favorite! June, since he was a kid, has a sleep habit of digging his legs into the person next to him. To keep them warm. No one taught him this, its just his way to cozy up before slipping into sleep land. My mind flips back to winter afternoons in Lucknow, when I see this picture. I remember returning from school and cozying up to bhai like a little teddy bear, for a quick afternoon nap. I remember Mummy getting angry at me, for encouraging him to sleep in the afternoon, because that would mean he'd disturb her at night. Not sleeping at night, is something he still does...:) Even now, after all these years, if i say "Bhaiyya mujhe ninni karao", he pats my face with his hand, like elders do to babies. His patting is strong and painful, but the emotion is in the right pl...

June with his Mom-Mom I lose my patience so often with June. I shout at him, I ignore his requests for play. I scold him and avoid him. Why do I get angry? Agreed there's a lot on my plate with Mummy unwell. But will I be so easily irritable with my child when he's two. Or will I make allowances and bend backwards all the time? I wish I had more strength and definitely more patience. Being a mother must be tough. Every time my period is delayed ( which is every month, because I STRESS A LOT as my Gynaec puts it) I get into a strange zone mentally. Is this the right time, can i handle a kid? Can i bring up a child selflessly, will i wake up from my sleep to take her/him to the loo, will I cancel a trip to take care of my child? Embarrassingly, the answer to most questions is a blatant, brazen no. So, what is this space that people need to fill with the presence of a child in their life? May be with Bhai in my life that space is already full. I get my chance to mo...

Written By Meera Jafri We've had new neighbours move into the flat adjacent to ours. A young friendly girl with a pet dog are the new occupants of that apartment.  One evening, our friendly neighbour came up to Sona and me and introduced herself and her dog Kabi, whom she claimed was a therapy dog. The concept of a therapy dog was new to us and we were curious to learn more. Apparently, Dogs are great stress busters and Kabi was used to playing with cancer patients at a centre. So she volunteered to send her pet over if she could help Rizwan as well! We had several dogs as pets when the kids were younger.  Rizwan  had a special tacit relationship with each pet. He was shy of touching them but one could see there was a special bond between them.  I remembered an incident from June's childhood. He was 7 0r 8 years old when this extremely shocking incident took place. My husband and I were not home and my mother was baby sitting  Rizwan ....

We went to play Ball. June Chiggu Bhai and Me! Taking a photo break! With Chiggu Bhai! Fun!!

Mummy went to Mysore to attend Mysha's first birthday. And i got to play Choti Mummy to June. Initially, both Mummy and I were apprehensive about June Bhai staying away from her for 5 days, but we managed well! This was the first time, I was babysitting him all by myself. Also, i couldn't have done it without Sumit, my husband's support. First day went smooth, because June thought it was just one of his night outs at my house, and then the second day onwards, he was bored, sad, introspective and naughty to say the least. Over the years, June, has become very sensitive, he understands a lot more than he used to a few years back. So, i gather he made sense that mummy was not in town. Partly,  also because i kept telling him 'mummy ghummy karne gayi hain' (she's travelling, my nonsense talk that probably, only June understands!) So, we were pleasantly surprised when June declined my elder brother's offer of returning with him to his home, and inste...

(An Article written by our mother, Meera) 3yr old It was a happy day when I had my second baby boy.  Everything was so beautiful and new.  But, on the third day my baby fell ill with a stomach infection and started having motions. By the fifth day he was totally dehydrated.  Then began the rush with high dose medicines. A cut was opened in his vein and drips were administered. We were all praying.  Seeing my three day old braced with medical paraphernalia made me anxious and nervous. God heard our fervent prayers, Rizwan recuperated.  All seemed to go well till he was 7-8 months, but then we realized that he still could not balance his head.  From there commenced a saga of many trips to doctors and hospitals.  My June (Rizwan) was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. This came as a shock.  Honestly, we had never heard of it before.  After recovering from the initial shock began the reality of everyday life.  June was sp...