Will I be a petulant mom?


June with his Mom-Mom
I lose my patience so often with June. I shout at him, I ignore his requests for play. I scold him and avoid him. Why do I get angry?


Agreed there's a lot on my plate with Mummy unwell. But will I be so easily irritable with my child when he's two. Or will I make allowances and bend backwards all the time?


I wish I had more strength and definitely more patience. Being a mother must be tough. Every time my period is delayed ( which is every month, because I STRESS A LOT as my Gynaec puts it) I get into a strange zone mentally.


Is this the right time, can i handle a kid? Can i bring up a child selflessly, will i wake up from my sleep to take her/him to the loo, will I cancel a trip to take care of my child? Embarrassingly, the answer to most questions is a blatant, brazen no.


So, what is this space that people need to fill with the presence of a child in their life?
May be with Bhai in my life that space is already full. I get my chance to molly-coddle someone, i get to bully and police someone, I get away with just about everything because he's my baby and I'm his sister-mom.


Sister-mom is a safer zone, but Mom -Mom isn't. At my convenience I keep berating Mummy for June's naughtiness. I keep telling her if she was stricter with him, he would 've been far less difficult. I object to her being lenient. Sometimes, I attribute June's naughtiness to his permissive upbringing, roping in Pappa to share the blame. And i would just throw these random obsevations of mine at her, and sometimes even offer hypotheticcal solutions to how I would've broght him up.


Embarrasing as it is, but that's just me blowing off steam. When I have a child of my own, will I be half as lenient as mummy or will I be the sister - mom type that i am with June. If the latter were to be true, I won't be a much liked mommy either!! Since I'm sure Juney must be thinking the same about me and mentally accusing mummy of bringing up this tyrant in the name of a daughter!


The fight between us continues and I hope someday I'll inderstand the dynamics of bringing up a child. And a naughty one for that.


TRUCE!
Till then, I'll just keep the war on with Junna Baby!

















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Comments

anirudh said…
sister mommy... :) heard that phrase for the first time ever in my life... and june is such a beautiful name...!!

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