Spider Wider



There once lived a man named Tarantula. And a woman named Quentin.
Tarantula’s parents had been avid aracnomanics (Spider lovers) and Quentin’s parents were movie buffs.

Quentin’s parents were film school graduates. In the early days of their career they has started a company called “White and Black Feather films.” Unfortunately the company couldn’t survive after some south East Asian countries banned film making and American film maker Quentin renunciated the US of A for Buddhisism in Tibet. So as a tribute to much of their success, they pledged to name their only child, a girl Quentin.

Tarantula’s mother was a lucid dreamer, she could control her dreams. She loved her spider named “Spider” so much that it even over shadowed her love for her husband. She once dreamt of making out with Spider in a webby situation. Nine months later, when a son was born, she was disappointed and refused to even look at him. Weeks later when two eunuchs, named Shola and Shabnam came on their regular rounds, they found the little one quite fascinating. “hai main mar jaauun, ye to mujhe makde ki yaad dilata hai, ( oh, god I’ll die, this one reminds me of a spider,)” said Shola, Shabnam giggled.
Hearing this, ten thousand temple bells rang in the mothers mind and she turned to look at her baby. It was very thin (out of weeks of neglect) and had black spotted legs (because of excess melanin clotting. But the mother fell in love with son, and in excitement undid her entire blouse to feed the son for the first time. While Shabnam letched on, Shola stole the gold chain from the mothers neck and together they ran out.
She named him Tarantula. At night when the husband returned hungry with lust for his wife, he died. Tarantula’s saliva on his mother’s breast was poison. Like a Black Widow, she smiled as her husbands body was taken away by weeping relatives. “Spider’s love had finally won her over completely, she thought. She’s been dreaming about Spider more and more, but thankfully no more Tarantula’s are born, though the spider population in her collection has risen much to her neighbors dismay.

Quentin was a rather androgynous girl. She was tall for an Indian 5ft 10” her face was squarish and lips thin. She spoke very fast and very soft. She loved the marshal arts and learnt chow. And always wore yellow leather body suits with yellow high boots. She was outlandish in them. She went to MCRC , a non discript film school in a very descript city in Asia.
Quentin always presented films for the class in film ap classes. She was once asked to present her favorite hindi film “thorns” to the class as punishment after being caught cheating. But the teacher loved her presentation so much, that she was made to present all films in the future. She would rent DVD’s from the “bhookha” store in Def Col and astound the class the next day.

Tarantula would grow into a natural aracnomanic. With 10,000 spiders under the same roof in his studio apartment in Andheri East , Mumbai, he had to learn to love them. Not only that he excelled in preparing exotic spider recipes, clandestinely. His mother would freak if she ever noticed. That was the only way Tarantula could control their population, since his mother continued to be in her dreams of love with big Spider, (who refused to die and fathered more and more spiders.
Slowly Tarantula was a star. He started featuring on reality shows on TV and started earning through spiders.
So it was natural for Quentin and Tarantula to meet one day. Why, is not known to the writer, but it was natural according to her. Take it at that. On the mega premier of the 25th version of Spiderman Returns, Quentin G became Quentin T. Quentin Tarantula.
That was the first time they met, in the movie hall. Tarantula had worn his bermudas and Quentin her high boots. She looked at his spotted hairy legs, then looked again and this time dropped her cellular phone , and looked at them, bent and closely. She was fascinated, she asked him his name and Voila!!! Someone some where, became this one right here, …was made for ,me!! Towards the end of the film she was his. They were both very attracted to each other, so naturally after the film they went to the beach side bar W Lounge, where they kissed. Initially, Tarantula was reluctant, because he thought his saliva would scar her or make her dumb, just as many women has died in the past, by a rumored serial kisser.
Just as he realized nothing happened, he gallantly pulled her under a grass shack, Quentin tried to resist, but in a swift movement, Tarantula had smashed broken the Smirnoff bottle top and in another swift movement he struck a match stick under his arm pit,( axe effect) to light it. And heroically, flung it into the vodka bottle.
Quentin followed Tarantula seven times around the fired Smirnoff, each time repeating in unison, “with this I thee wed, om om shaadi namaah…”

After the wedding they went to his studio apartment and watched “Aracnophobia”
That night Tarantula’s mother died in an orgasm in one of her dreams. They found cobwebs on her thighs and under arms as spiders could barely find any room in the apartment. Ironically even Spider died that night.

Tarantula turned his studio apartment into a lab for spiders and shifted to a two bed room kitchen set in a posh Mumbai locality.
Quentin Tarantula revived “White and Black Feather films.” She produced her first film called “Mira/max Arri/flex.”
The poster outside Gulmohar at IHC read.
A WHITE AND BLACK FEATHER presentation Quentin Tarantula’s MIRA/MAX AND ARRI/FLEX. A sublime story about lucid dreamers, spider ghosh and MCRC…

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